Talk about it Tuesday - Self care & Mom burnout!

During my pregnancy, women were constantly reminding me that things were about to change forever. While this is true, some of the things I was told are 100% wrong and just not the kind of mom I am.

• “That cute purse, carry it now…because you won’t once the diaperbag comes!” - WRONG! I buy backpack diaper bags and I still carry my purses. Like I’m going to keep designer bags on the closet shelf. Ppppft. Yeah right.

• “Sleep now, because you’ll never sleep when the baby gets here!” - WRONG! We sleep trained that kid in the 6th month and we’ve all been sleeping through the night since!

• “The mom guilt will be hard when you have to leave him.” - WRONG! I left that kid crying this morning in the arms of his amazing and more-qualified-than-me babysitter (she has 9 kids of her own). Yeah, it’s hard…but after about 5 minutes, he and I have both forgotten all about it.

All of that illustrates that motherhood is not one size fits all. We can all relate to one another because we go through similar emotions over our children, but no two mothers and no two children are the same.

I’ve been pretty immune to “Mom guilt” so far. Maybe it’s because I’m a first-time mom in my 30s. Maybe it’s because I worked with a great therapist throughout my pregnancy to help me process the things coming my way. Maybe it’s just my refusal to let anyone but me control my brain. Regardless…I’ve only had a few moments where I felt it trying to sneak in.

There are the two big reasons why I think I haven’t struggled so much.

1) I still value myself as an individual.

2) I regularly practice self-care.

“You can’t pour from an empty cup.” This rings so true in motherhood. While working two days each week helps me see myself as something other than a mom, it didn't take me long to figure out that prioritizing self-care was going to be necessary as well.

At about 7 months, Xander started crawling really well. He was into everything, wouldn’t nap worth a flip and I started getting really burnt out. I had left him with the sitter and my mom to go to work, but never without a “good reason”. It finally dawned on me. My sanity wasn’t a good reason to leave my child…it was a GREAT REASON!

I found a local Parents Day Out program. He goes for a few hours each week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I work on Tuesdays, so the sitter picks him up and takes him until I get off. Oh….but Thursdays. Jesus, thank you for Thursdays!! I drop him off and I get some time for myself. I live for that few hours each week. It’s when I transform myself into an adult again. I wash my hair and get my nails done. I try to knock out any errands or appointments that aren’t so child friendly. I eat a nice, uninterrupted, civilized lunch. Sometimes I read or take a nap. WITH ZERO GUILT. It is heavenly and completely recharges me for the next few days of baby wrangling!

When X started PDO, I saw a different little boy start to emerge! The social interaction and the loving care from other adults was so good for him! His nap schedule improved, his play started to advance and I saw him forming emotional preferences for others. These are all great signs of a healthy, thriving child and they are things that I was unable to offer him when I was the only one with him everyday!

These are the things that work for me right now. In six months or a year, I reserve the right to come back and write that I’ve totally changed my mind! The one thing I can promise you…I’ll never stop asking for help!

I see so many moms beating themselves up for every little thing. I’m here to give you permission to stop that. Actually…I’m here to ORDER YOU to stop that! It’s not helping your little one and it’s certainly not helping you or your partner.

Stop being a martyr on the altar of motherhood. God didn’t give you this wonderful tiny human, so you can whine and complain about how hard it is. Especially when you aren't doing anything to change your circumstances.

Instead of wallowing around in your mom guilt stew…start thinking of ways you can help yourself. Get a plan! Then act on it. Anyone who doesn’t approve of your decisions can come sit with your crying, teething, stubborn, or otherwise demonic-acting child for a few hours. Then they might reconsider!

Embrace the fact that no one does this alone! If Steve Jobs had never outsourced work…we wouldn’t all be here addicted to our iphones. The point is…smart people ask for help! Take advantage of other people that want to love on your child. Take the anti-depressants. Let the kid cry it out. Leave your husband home alone with the kids for a while. Take a bath and lock the door.

Take care of yourself.

Let go of the guilt.

Don’t you dare apologize for it.

Mom guilt be damned!