Talk about it Tuesday- GUILT!
/I was going to write about “Mom guilt”…but then I realized that this is something I’ve been dealing with many years before I became a mother! So lets just say today is about Grown Woman Guilt.
How many things in your life do you feel guilty about? Chances are, if you really counted them you would find that it is more than you even imagined. The way guilt wrecks the female mind is really out of control. I think that when men are sitting around thinking about “nothing” - which my husband tells me is a real thing that your brain can do…pshhhht - women are sitting there thinking of new things to feel guilty about. We don't even realize we’re doing it…which is the worst part!
Anyone who knows me, probably knows about my struggles with anxiety. When my grandfather passed away in January of 2006, my little bouts of worry turned into regular panic attacks and night terrors. I could no longer ignore what my body and brain were telling me and I went to see a doctor. I was prescribed Lexapro, and I have taken it daily for the last 12 years (minus that one time where I came off of it for 10 months and wanted to kill people and cry all the time). Medicine is wonderful and a huge help, but it isn’t the easy way out or a quick fix. So my anxiety has forced me to do a lot of soul searching and intentional thinking.
One of the best techniques I use when I’m feeling anxious is to make a quick mental list of the things happening in my world, in an attempt to figure out what is making my nerves frayed. So often my anxiety is a direct result of feelings of guilt. Guilt about something I forgot to do, guilt about something I should have said, guilt about not calling my friends often enough, guilt about not drinking enough water. The list is truly endless…and honestly about 99% of it is idiotic.
LADIES….WHAT MAKES US DO THIS TO OURSELVES?!?
What drives our guilt? Family, friends, religion, society, our wounds, our past, what we hope for our future. All of these are reasons. However, not all of these are valid reasons.
Do you feel guilty because your mother-in-law/pediatrician/stranger on the street thinks you should breast feed your child for a year and you don't want to? Not their body, not their choice, NOT VALID GUILT!
Do you feel guilty because you spent too much money on the handbag you've been wanting, even though you have been saving for it? Sister, you deserve nice things, especially when you work for them. NOT VALID GUILT!
Do you feel like a bad mom because you took the baby to day care on your day off so you could get your hair done? You deserve some time for yourself! NOT VALID GUILT!
I’m not saying you should never feel guilty. We are all human and we make mistakes. Guilt serves to help us identify and correct negative behavior. What I am saying is, face your guilt head-on! Take a moment and ask yourself where your guilt is coming from. Then consider whether or not that is a valid reason. Don't let it overwhelm you to a point where you aren't living a joyful life!
This week, I encourage each of you to analyze your guilt, and try to mentally dismiss the feelings that aren't valid! When you do come across some valid guilt (we all have it!), try to make amends or a plan so you can avoid adding to it as you move forward!
