Talk about it Tuesday - Self care & Mom burnout!

During my pregnancy, women were constantly reminding me that things were about to change forever. While this is true, some of the things I was told are 100% wrong and just not the kind of mom I am.

• “That cute purse, carry it now…because you won’t once the diaperbag comes!” - WRONG! I buy backpack diaper bags and I still carry my purses. Like I’m going to keep designer bags on the closet shelf. Ppppft. Yeah right.

• “Sleep now, because you’ll never sleep when the baby gets here!” - WRONG! We sleep trained that kid in the 6th month and we’ve all been sleeping through the night since!

• “The mom guilt will be hard when you have to leave him.” - WRONG! I left that kid crying this morning in the arms of his amazing and more-qualified-than-me babysitter (she has 9 kids of her own). Yeah, it’s hard…but after about 5 minutes, he and I have both forgotten all about it.

All of that illustrates that motherhood is not one size fits all. We can all relate to one another because we go through similar emotions over our children, but no two mothers and no two children are the same.

I’ve been pretty immune to “Mom guilt” so far. Maybe it’s because I’m a first-time mom in my 30s. Maybe it’s because I worked with a great therapist throughout my pregnancy to help me process the things coming my way. Maybe it’s just my refusal to let anyone but me control my brain. Regardless…I’ve only had a few moments where I felt it trying to sneak in.

There are the two big reasons why I think I haven’t struggled so much.

1) I still value myself as an individual.

2) I regularly practice self-care.

“You can’t pour from an empty cup.” This rings so true in motherhood. While working two days each week helps me see myself as something other than a mom, it didn't take me long to figure out that prioritizing self-care was going to be necessary as well.

At about 7 months, Xander started crawling really well. He was into everything, wouldn’t nap worth a flip and I started getting really burnt out. I had left him with the sitter and my mom to go to work, but never without a “good reason”. It finally dawned on me. My sanity wasn’t a good reason to leave my child…it was a GREAT REASON!

I found a local Parents Day Out program. He goes for a few hours each week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I work on Tuesdays, so the sitter picks him up and takes him until I get off. Oh….but Thursdays. Jesus, thank you for Thursdays!! I drop him off and I get some time for myself. I live for that few hours each week. It’s when I transform myself into an adult again. I wash my hair and get my nails done. I try to knock out any errands or appointments that aren’t so child friendly. I eat a nice, uninterrupted, civilized lunch. Sometimes I read or take a nap. WITH ZERO GUILT. It is heavenly and completely recharges me for the next few days of baby wrangling!

When X started PDO, I saw a different little boy start to emerge! The social interaction and the loving care from other adults was so good for him! His nap schedule improved, his play started to advance and I saw him forming emotional preferences for others. These are all great signs of a healthy, thriving child and they are things that I was unable to offer him when I was the only one with him everyday!

These are the things that work for me right now. In six months or a year, I reserve the right to come back and write that I’ve totally changed my mind! The one thing I can promise you…I’ll never stop asking for help!

I see so many moms beating themselves up for every little thing. I’m here to give you permission to stop that. Actually…I’m here to ORDER YOU to stop that! It’s not helping your little one and it’s certainly not helping you or your partner.

Stop being a martyr on the altar of motherhood. God didn’t give you this wonderful tiny human, so you can whine and complain about how hard it is. Especially when you aren't doing anything to change your circumstances.

Instead of wallowing around in your mom guilt stew…start thinking of ways you can help yourself. Get a plan! Then act on it. Anyone who doesn’t approve of your decisions can come sit with your crying, teething, stubborn, or otherwise demonic-acting child for a few hours. Then they might reconsider!

Embrace the fact that no one does this alone! If Steve Jobs had never outsourced work…we wouldn’t all be here addicted to our iphones. The point is…smart people ask for help! Take advantage of other people that want to love on your child. Take the anti-depressants. Let the kid cry it out. Leave your husband home alone with the kids for a while. Take a bath and lock the door.

Take care of yourself.

Let go of the guilt.

Don’t you dare apologize for it.

Mom guilt be damned!

Still Learning...

I’m sorry I didn’t post anything last week. We’ve had a lot going on, and honestly I was mentally drained by it all and just didn’t feel like writing. Now I’m over it, and I promised to always share my truth…so I’m just going to keep it real today.

You know, God is pretty funny. I wrote the post about Him hurting your feelings…and then this week I got my feelings hurt. Bad. Twice.

As some of you may know, last fall Alex and I purchased a lot where we intended to build our dream house. We were led to the perfect lot within 24 hours of beginning our search, and we kept feeling confirmation that this was God’s plan for our family. We began to work on our design with a builder and hoped to break ground in February.

Those of you that know me personally, certainly understand that “submissive wife” isn’t a role I was born to play. I’ve been trying really hard over the last few years to admit when I’m in over my head and ask someone who knows more than me. Alex always says we make a good team, and it’s really so true. We do not have the same strengths, so we tend to take turns with decision making. In our house, I’m basically in charge of making sure everyone and everything looks good and keeping Xander alive while Alex is at work. When it comes to finances and cooking…Alex is in charge. For the last week or so, God had really been preparing me to follow Alex’s lead on this build. When he came home Wednesday and said “We need to talk,” my heart stopped for a second, but I wasn’t totally shocked. Earlier in the day, he had gotten back the estimated budget for the second design on our house plan. It wasn’t good news and he really felt like building the house of our dreams was still too far out of our financial comfort zone.

I melted down and threw a mini pity party. “I could really use a WIN right now.” and “I told God I would follow your lead, but I didn’t say I would be happy about it”…were among some of the really selfish things that came out of my mouth. Thankfully, my saint of a husband knows me well, and knew I wasn’t faulting him for the choice. He was as heartsick over it as I was. I actually agree with him 110%. This house is just too expensive and the sacrifices that we would have to make to have it? Totally not worth it.

Faced with new circumstances, we decided to peruse the real estate market again. We hoped we might find something with good bones that we could afford to renovate.

Thursday morning, a new listing popped up. THE PERFECT HOUSE. I mean…this thing seemed sent straight from Heaven just for us.

Great neighborhood. One level. Lots of windows and light. Well cared for. Room for an addition to give us the space we will want as our family grows. It even had some of the unique features that we had incorporated into the design for our build. All wrapped up in amazing 60’s charm that spoke straight to my contemporary, Brady Bunch loving heart.

We had our Realtor write up an offer IMMEDIATELY. We were so in love, we actually offered them more than list price!

That night we found out that other offers were coming in, but prayed ours would be strong enough to win. We cast our bid and left the rest up to God. At 1:00 Friday we got word that we had lost. Our dream house is now someone else’s dream house.

Crushed for the second time in 24 hours. My feelings weren’t just hurt…they were on a ventilator in the ICU.

Thankfully, God doesn’t care to hurt our feelings in order to give us what we need…which is usually even more than what we’re asking for. We’re trusting that is exactly what is going to happen for us in this situation.

Funnily enough, we weren’t sad at all yesterday about either of the things that wrecked us earlier in the week. We had a renewed excitement for our adventure and we know that God is going to blow our minds over this house! We’re now researching several different paths and praying God makes it clear to us which way will be best.

Talk about it Tuesday - When God hurts your feelings.

It seems kind of weird to think about it like that…but yes. There have been times in my life when God has hurt my feelings. My thoughts are supposed to align with His way of thinking, but that hasn’t always been the case.

Many times in life we will walk through hard times. We go through breakups and ended friendships. We don’t get the raise, the promotion, or sometimes even the interview that we know we are qualified for. We wander through seasons where we feel forgotten, like maybe God isn’t hearing us. We experience the death of our sweet pets, loved ones, children and spouses. We walk through health battles where we pump poison into our veins to kill cancer. We struggle to conceive a child…then have that dream taken away in an instant by miscarriage.

All of these things hurt our feelings.

They knock the breath from our lungs and put knots in our stomachs.

They shake our confidence and challenge our identity.

They bring us to our knees…even though we feel we have no words left to pray.

We wonder how God can love us so much, and still allow such pain and heartbreak into our lives.

Last week, I took Xander in for his 1-year-old checkup. This included 4 shots and a finger prick to draw blood. To say he was upset would be the understatement of the century. We had tears, then the kind of cry where no sound comes out, drool, snot…the whole deal. He was pitiful, and I was feeling pretty bad about it all. When he wouldn't have anything to do with the milk or yogurt melts that I brought to serve as post-shot distractions…all that was left to do was hold him while he sat in my lap and sobbed into my chest.

I wanted to explain to him that it was all for a reason. That the shots would help him to grow up strong, healthy and disease free. That the blood draw was to check his iron levels so we could make sure he has enough energy to learn and play. But alas, he is 13 months old and that talk would have been a waste. I settled on telling him that I love him so much, that I would only allow this pain if it was for his good.

Don’t we think God feels the same way? That he wants to give us the details? To tell us that the position we want would result in stress that would lead to a heart attack. That the ended relationship we are grieving would have brought us years of hurt and emotional abuse. That the miscarriage was to protect an innocent little baby from a difficult and physically painful life.

But would we fully understand? Probably not…it would be about as useless as me trying to explain polio to my 1-year-old.

Sometimes we don't need to know the details. Sometimes we don't have the level of understanding we would need to even grasp the details. This goes against what our flesh longs for.

Friends, often the sovereignty of God is going to break your heart and hurt your feelings…and that is ok.

Because our Father knows best.

That's when we have to crawl into his lap and sob into his chest, while he wraps his arms around us and says “My child, I love you so much. I am only allowing this pain for your good.”

THE BACHELOR RECAP

After my little story sound-off the other day, I started getting lots of comments! Let me just say - women that watch the bachelor are very protective of their show! Everyone was sweet and funny about it, but y’all are all about your Monday night addiction!

I have to admit…I did watch the first few seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. I haven't regularly tuned in since Trista gave Ryan a rose…which I realize most of the current audience can’t recall. Because they were still drinking out of sippy cups.

Through the years, I was often told “You should apply to be on there, you would be so great!” One sleepless night in my single years, while laying awake worrying about how long my ovaries were going to keep working, I even went so far as to read up on what is involved in applying. Then I realized that having an emotional breakdown on national television was not going to be something I could easily bounce back from…and I figured I would just keep on dating the old fashioned way.

I did a little research to see how successful these shows have been at helping people find lifelong love. Almost every list of marriages also includes couples that have met and married through “The Bachelor Family” and various spin-offs, but I wanted to know the real numbers. I was looking for show stars that actually ended up marrying the person they gave their final rose. Guys….it’s not too good. From 23 seasons of The Bachelor, only ONE couple has married. 14 seasons of The Bachelorette has produced THREE marriages. A combined 37 seasons of television and their formula has only produced results FOUR times! WHATTTTTTTTT??????

When you look at these numbers in relation to the ratings of these shows (again, not even thinking about the various spin-offs) one can draw some very interesting conclusions. Either the American public is full of a bunch of optimists that hope the next season will allow us see someone’s fairy tale play out <insert eye-roll here> Or…we are a society that is thrilled by the chase, chaos and drama and someone finding lasting love has very little to do with our interest in the show. In fact, I would go as far as to say that some viewers even hope for the heartbreak of certain contestants.

I know that all contestants are consenting adults that have agreed to put themselves in this precarious situation, and that they are honestly asking for it. But what happens when real people observe these behaviors and they start to carry over into the real world?

I’ll tell you what happens…we have the phenomenon known as “undating”. The current generation of young single people are so hesitant to make any kind of commitment or show any vulnerability to a potential partner. The common trend is living in an ongoing purgatory-like stage of a relationship. No one speaks of exclusivity, and don't even think about marriage. We’re just going to give ourselves emotionally (and often physically) to one another without any true investment.

Calm down…I think this is fueled by online dating apps as well…so I’m not placing all the blame on your special show.

We live in a world that has preyed on the part of the human psyche that tells us “the grass is always greener”.

• You’re dating the perfect man/woman? Don't delete that dating app…because someone better might be your next swipe!

• Have someone in your life that makes you laugh and smile? Better keep on texting your ex…because you never know when they will fix the 9324 things that made you dump them in the first place.

• Go on a great date? Better make sure you don't seem too eager! Whatever you do…don't communicate adequately. It’s actually best if you can lead them to believe you are dead.

THIS IS WHY I WAS A CRAZY WOMAN WHEN I WAS SINGLE!

Imagine the regular stresses and responsibilities of your daily life. Then add to it trying to navigate the mental minefields of dating! Check on your single friends...THEY ARE NOT OK!

I watch some junk television myself and I don’t think taking The Bachelor off the air will make the problems of this world go away. However, I do think that we all have to be conscientious of what we’re putting into our minds and the imprint that these things can leave.

Bottom line...treat others the way you want to be treated. No one is disposable and playing with someone’s emotions is cruel. In the infamous words of Big Sean “The grass is always greener where you water it” (Yep, just quoted a Justin Beiber song). Mic Drop.

How to look your best...even when you have no time!

Everyone has bad days. Unexpected things come up, you oversleep, or you forget that you need to be somewhere in a hour and you’re sitting on your couch, unshowered, and in your pajamas. We’ve all been there!

Because I’m almost always running late, I have figured out a few ways to make myself look put-together…even though I’m really not. Using these tips, I can usually make myself look pretty good in about 30 minutes! A little bit of thought, when you’re not in a hurry, can save you an hour on a rushed day!

Fast Shower - This is not the time to shave anything…and DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT WASHING YOUR HAIR! I’m talking 2 minutes in and out. This makes a huge difference for me and my mood. After a shower, I just automatically feel more prepared for what is ahead! I also think everyone looks more awake after standing under warm water…even if it’s just for a few minutes. My sister actually calls showers “liquid sleep” because of the difference they make! I also take this few minutes to think ahead to what I’m going to wear. Multi-tasking at its finest!

A “holy grail” outfit - This is something that you can put on quickly and always feel good in. Choose something that is appropriate for many occasions, and doesn’t ever need any ironing! If you have to, you can throw it in the dryer while you do your hair and makeup, but you’re not going to have time to iron and you definitely don’t want to look wrinkled! For me, its all black. (Duh.) In the winter, my go-to is leather leggings and a black tunic. In summer, it’s black cigarette pants and a black tank. I tend to think of an all-black outfit as a blank canvas. If I’m headed to something casual, I throw on flats or even tennis shoes and accessorize with a scarf or simple necklace. If I’m going somewhere that calls for a more professional look, then heeled-booties or pumps are my shoe of choice. A statement necklace or some flashy earrings will automatically take your plain look up a notch or two!

Makeup where it counts! Think “bang for your buck” here! What do you need to do to look fresh faced and awake? My musts are foundation, undereye concealer, light eyeshadow, contour/blush, brows, mascara and lips. That may sound like a lot to some, but it’s actually pretty fast and simple if you have the right products in your makeup bag! You’re only as good as your tools! I’ve linked fast face favorites for you! I always use Estee Lauder Double Wear liquid foundation, Maybelline concealer, Elf blush/bronzer duo, NYX brow pencil or pomade, Maybelline Lash Sensational mascara and Jordana Lip liner (I’ve worn this shade almost everyday for probably 10 years) with gloss or chapstick over.

Hair A little bit of prior practice will really save you here! When you have a little extra time, try some styles that you could pull off quickly and with dirty hair. Because when you are in a hurry, you will have super dirty hair. That’s just the way it is. If you have long hair, messy buns and high ponytails are very in style! To give your pony a more polished look, wrap your ponytail holder with a piece of your hair and secure with a bobby pin underneath. To upgrade your messy bun, secure any loose, floppy or otherwise crazy pieces with bobby pins to make the style look more intentional. Use hairspray to keep your fly-aways tamed. With shorter hair, spray in dry shampoo, tease the crown really well, then pull the sides back into a half pony, or twist/braid them back and pin them. Or…you can always opt for a hat! I love hats and the style-statement that they make! Not to mention that they hide the yucky part of your hair, while still showing off the pretty and clean (looking) part!

Rely on your “daily polish”. These are the little things that you can do to make a big difference in looking more “put together” everyday! That way, when you’re rushed, you don't have to worry about these details!

• Keep your brows in check. Keep regular waxing appointments if that’s your thing or tweeze the strays at night after you wash your face. This also applies to chin/neck hairs. Let’s just be honest, we all have a few.

• Keep a neat manicure. Whether you go to a salon or do it yourself at home, well shaped nails and good-looking cuticles always look nice!

• Keep your shoes in good shape. Polish them or wipe them down before you put them back in your closet so they will be ready to go when you’re rushed.

• Carry a nice handbag. It doesn’t have to be designer or break the bank, but a nice leather bag always makes a woman look put-together.

• Wear a few signature pieces of jewelry. These are things that are simple, understated, and you rarely take them off. I always wear diamond studs in the second piercing in my ears, a tiny gold cross necklace and my wedding set. Even if I forget to put on any other jewelry, I’ve always got these pieces on!

What do you guys think? Pretty easy stuff, huh? I can’t tell you how many times doing these few things has really saved me! Unfortunately, now if you see me in all black, you’ll know I've probably been running late!

Comment below some of the things that help you save time when you’re in a hurry!

Talk about it Tuesday - Interview with Kristen Clabaugh

It’s important for me to use this as a space to lift up and promote other women, so today I am featuring my first interview!

Kristen Clabaugh is a local photographer that has taken some of the most beautiful images I’ve ever seen. The way she captures the light and the beauty of the mountains that we live in…I knew I wanted her to take out family photos this year.

When Kristen called to talk to me about the vision for our shoot, I realized that not only is her photography unique, but her approach to her work is truly one-of-a-kind. A shoot with Kristen is an experience. She is dedicated to making your style come to life. From choosing your clothing and location… to helping you find the perfect place to display her work in your home…she helps you every step of the way!

I can’t wait for you to learn more about Kristen and I know you will fall in love with her work just the way I did!

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Tell us a bit about yourself!

My name is Kristen Clabaugh. I have a wonderful husband and I am a mom to two amazing kids - a three year old son and six year old daughter. I am a ETSU graduate with a degree in Graphic Design.

How did you get started in photography?

I've had a love for photography for as long as I can remember.  My grandfather was a photography enthusiast and invested in the high-end cameras and lenses of his day.  I guess the gene is hereditary :)

When I was a teen, I would buy disposable cameras (pre-digital camera era..not to mention that's all I could afford at the time), and I would drive down the two-lane roads of Scott County, VA looking for something interesting to photograph. When I had my daughter, I was constantly dressing her up for "photo shoots" and wanting to document every milestone through photographs. I purchased a hobbyist DSLR camera (a Canon T-Rebel is what I started out with).  With my background in graphic design/digital media, I figured I could pick it up pretty easily, if I took a few classes.

Before long, my family members were asking me to do photographs for them. I had always dreamed of owning my own business - especially a photography business - but it was a scary thought. My motto is “you only live once”, so after talking to my husband, we both decided I should just go for it!

How has being a mother impacted the way you work?

Being a mother has not just impacted the way I do my work...it has honestly created the way I do my work. Because I’m a mother, I have witnessed how fast our children's lives go by - those precious moments that seem little at the time, turn out to be not-so-little after all! I think about my daughter's grin when she lost her first tooth, the way my son dances to any song by The Killers, and the way he pronounces certain words. Since my daughter was born, I've been trying to find ways to preserve these memories, because let's face it - sometimes us mamas are literally just trying to survive! It's so easy to forget those sweet moments that we will love to look back on and remember later. I became so dedicated to preserving these moments of my little ones that I knew I wanted to give the same gift to my clients...not just in photographic form, but video and text as well.

Explain your personal philosophy on capturing images.

My personal philosophy when capturing images is to create real expressions and emotion in a magical way. I love photographing outdoors in God's beautiful creation (I do in-studio photography as well). I love vivid colors, magical light and candid moments. I always speak with the families beforehand to get a jist of what they like to do together and what type of emotions they want captured.

You offer some unique sessions that most photographers do not. Tell us more about those.

When I started my photography business - it was just that - photography. But I wanted to do more.  Video and journaling are so special to me, I wanted to share those elements with my clients as well. I journaled my children's cute phrases and the way they pronounced certain words - it was just so precious and I never wanted to forget it. So now, when someone books a full session with me, I automatically send them a journal in the mail with just a few easy questions to answer every couple weeks about their kids.  I then create a Keepsake Album for them with their photos and the text from their journals.

The unique sessions that I offer are my milestone sessions (I now offer a milestone package that includes a First Year Video and First Year Album), Farmhouse Sink Sessions, and Day in the Life shoots, where I go into the clients home to capture “mundane” moments of their kids/family together in an artistic manner. Some clients have used these sessions to document Saturday morning traditions, game nights or their bedtime routines!

The videos are really sweet and are always tear-jerkers! This was another idea that came to me because I’m a mom! I had taken some video classes in college and absolutely loved them. When my daughter was about to turn one, I wanted to make a video to surprise my mom and mother-in-law with for Mother's Day. I compiled the videos I had taken of her during her first year - her first steps, first bites of real food, first time Daddy fed her, etc - I added a few sweet songs and our year of memories were preserved forever! I made one for my son as well, and our family absolutely cherishes them.

Tell us about the Kristen Clabaugh “Total Experience”.

As a mom of young children, I know how hard it can be to focus on ourselves. I wanted my sessions to not only be enjoyable for the moms, but a little bit pampering as well! That's why I offer the add-on services of a fashion stylist who consults with my clients to come up with outfit selections for the whole family, and an in-home makeup artist and hairstylist on the day of your shoot!

Because I am passionate about my images being up on my clients' walls - not just stored on their computers - I now offer the service (free with my full sessions) of gallery wall design. I take a photo of my client’s wall and use software to put canvas collage options together for them to view in virtual reality. It takes the guesswork out of where to print (I offer high-quality prints and canvases), what size to print (the sizes are all calibrated to my clients' walls in the software I use), and where to hang them. It's been a very helpful service!

What is the biggest challenge (or challenges) you have had to overcome in building your business?

The biggest challenge I've had to overcome in my business is myself!! I have been guilty of letting myself get in the way of my own success - by being scared of things such as "What if it doesn't work?" or "What if my idea comes across as silly?".  What I've learned is that if we don't get out there, take the risk and try it, we will never know. The key is to step out of your comfort zone. There is a quote that says "Nothing great ever came from a comfort zone" and that is oh-so-true when it comes to all aspects of life, not just business. This business has taught me so much about myself. I believe that we're all given a talent by God, and if we pray to Him, He will show us what that talent is and help us to use it to our full potential for His glory!

What do you hope to give your clients through your photography?

I hope to give my clients an experience of a lifetime, keepsakes of their children that they can hand down to them 20 years from now. However, my main goal is to use my business to do God's will - to spread the gospel to others. 10% of all profits from my business go to support a non-profit I founded called Raising Faith Warriors, which gives parents literature on how to raise Godly children in a faithless world. Visit us on Facebook or Instagram!

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You can learn more about Kristen and see examples of her work at her website. Be sure to like her Facebook page and follow her on Instagram! Click here, to sign up for Kristen’s bi-monthly newsletter (full of AMAZING and practical tips for taking our own photos) and receive her What-to-Wear Style Guide for free!

Let me know if you want to be featured in a “Talk about it Tuesday” Interview or have a suggestion for someone you would like for me to interview!

Talk about it Tuesday - The WRONG guy!

One of the hardest things in life is knowing when to walk away from a relationship! When you have developed feelings for someone or they have been part of your everyday life for a long time, it’s hard to imagine living without them by your side. I see my friends struggle with this, and I struggled with this when I was dating. When we meet someone, its only natural to show our good traits first…unfortunately, this doesn't always reveal the entirety of a person. Several times in my dating life, I found that I had already developed strong feelings for someone by the time their bad traits were seen…making it nearly impossible to walk away from the relationship!

I was also a sucker for potential. I waited around, hoping a guy would live up to who I knew he could be. All the while, I was ignoring the lazy bum in front of me!

So when do you know it’s time to walk away?

Trust your gut!

Looking back on my past relationships, I often knew deep-down that I needed to end things long before I did. The problem was I didn't really want to. I was comfortable, afraid of being alone, or worst of all….scared that I wouldn’t find a better match and I would be alone forever. I feel like this is where I caused myself a lot of unnecessary pain and worry. Trying to force a relationship to work is not what God wants for your life! If it’s that difficult in the dating stage…it’s certainly not going to get any easier! Can you live with that?

Am I in love with them or with who I think they could be?

An important question to ask is, “If it doesn't get any better than it is today, can I do this forever?” This is a pretty good place to start when you are worried you’re in love with someone’s potential. Do you want them to go back to school, get a better job, take you more seriously? If you’re constantly having to push or nag…you might be in love with the ghost of significant other future. This is dangerous. This was particularly challenging in my college years, because everyone is working toward something. So you’re going to have to exercise good judgment. If they are saying they want to be a doctor and they’re in med school, obviously that person is headed there. But if they are saying they’re going to be a millionaire astronaut, but they over 21 years old with no education and flipping burgers…sister, you better take a step back.

What is God telling me?

This is SOOO IMPORTANT! I am here to speak truth to you. God moves in many different ways. My favorite pastor used to say that God will get our attention in 3 ways…

• His word - Is this relationship biblical? Is this person a good spiritual match for you? When you read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and you put their name in the place of the word love, are those things true? <———I know that sounds corny, but it’s a good little test!

• His people - What do your friends and family think about your relationship? Do you find yourself purposely keeping details of your relationship from them, for fear that they will disapprove? I think everyone has at least one person that is their “ride-or-die”. You trust this person, they make judgement calls about things that are almost always right, and they love love love you. What does that person think?

• Your circumstances - Has this relationship put you in a compromised place? I’m not talking about being flat broke and homeless because he took all your money (but if that has happened, definitely leave). I’m talking about the more subtle circumstances. Maybe this person has chipped away at your self-esteem, or your relationship has made you more envious or brought out other personal traits you don't like. These circumstances don't always have to be so drastic to make impactful change. If your life has changed, in any way, for the worse since you relationship began…then you might need to do some serious evaluation.

Make a list!

Several years ago my parents and I were visiting a local church, when an older gentleman asked if I was married or had a boyfriend. At the time, I had neither. I responded “No”…and my mother was quick to add “…but we’re praying hard!” Little did I know, this well-meaning man was about to give me advice that would change my life.

He told me to go home and get out a piece of paper. Write the date at the top. On the front, write every trait you are looking for in a husband. On the back write everything positive that you think you can offer as a wife. He encouraged me to prayerfully consider what I wrote, and to not be afraid to get specific. I should revisit my list often and edit it as needed. But in the meantime, I was to fold the paper up and put it somewhere where I would see it often and be reminded to pray about the things I asked for. Then he spoke over my life almost prophetically, “I bet a husband will come around in about a year’s time! Here’s my business card, invite me to the wedding”.

Y’all. I thought this guy was crazy. I didn’t know him from the man in the moon, and here he was giving me advice about my personal life. But, I went home and did what he said. The list of what I wanted was pretty easy for me to make. The one about my strengths….not so easy. When I was done, I put my folded list in my wallet and went about my life.

I began to use the list as a sort of check list. If I went out with someone a few times, but they didn’t match the my dream “list man”, then I stopped seeing them. It was nice for me to have my criteria for my partner mapped out and it made the decisions so much easier for me. I no longer felt myself bending my desires to make a person fit my life more perfectly. God and I had already talked it through, and I wasn't going to settle for less than we agreed upon!

I wrote my list on March 22, 2015. On July 13, 2016 I responded to a message on Match.com from Alex. I knew within a few days that he checked off every single item. I wrote some strange things, (even I was surprised by what I felt led to list) but when I met Alex, they immediately took on a new meaning. For crying out loud…I wanted “chemistry” with a “inspiring” man. God send me a Chemist that moved to the United States at 23 and built his own American dream from scratch. I mean, really?! Talk about inspiring. GOD IS SO GOOD!

All of that to say. Make a list! We shop for everything else in our life with intention…why not shop for your soulmate? If you keep browsing, you’re running the risk of getting something from the clearance rack that doesn't fit!

I know some of you are struggling with being single and what God has in store for you. I am here to tell you…it’s time to stop playing. God wants to give you the desires of your heart, but you’re going to have to quit clinging to your fear and let him do it! He’s not going to send you Mr. Right when you’re still entertaining someone he has told you is Mr. Wrong! Don’t block your own blessings!

So…do you have any changes to make? Now is the time!

Talk aboout it Tuesday- Personal Image!

Not sure if this is happening in any other towns, but here in Kingsport, Gala season is upon us! This coming Friday is the 72nd Annual Dinner for the Chamber of Commerce and the following weekend is the CASA Red Shoe Gala. While I’m not attending the Chamber Dinner this year (tickets sold out sooooo fast!) I am going to the Red Shoe Gala for the first time in years…and I have definitely been thinking about my mom-bod in the little black dress I’m wanting to wear.

Every year around this time, I hear all about what my clients are wearing, how we will fix their hair…and inevitably, how much weight they think they have gained! As women, we are so hard on ourselves! What is funny to me, is that when you really stop to think about it, we’re probably not really paying that much attention to each other. We’re all too concerned about our own stomach, arms, lumps and bumps!

Let’s really break this scenario down a little bit. These days, there is very little reason to get really dressed up. Most women I know buy a whole new outfit for these events. A nice dress, new jewelry, maybe that pretty pair of shoes that you can finally justify buying…we tend to go all out for these special occasions! Add in the shapewear, the hair appointment, the new lipstick and paying the babysitter and you’re looking at a nice little investment! I’m not usually into the whole “pay to be miserable” thing…so this year, I’m just not going to! I’m going to get fixed up, fully enjoy myself, forget about my not-so-flat-tummy and have fun at the Gala! I encourage you to do the same!

I talk to women more than the average person. I feel so privileged that my clients open up to me and share their vulnerabilities. If there is anything that my time behind the chair has taught me, it’s that EVERYONE has something about themselves that they don’t like. Actually….”don't like” might be putting things a little weakly. Most women have something about themselves that they hate. From “saggy” necks, and “pudgy” cheeks…to “huge” feet and “ disgusting” thighs. I really have heard it all! The words we use to describe ourselves can actually be quite cruel. We would never use these words toward anyone else! Why do we continually speak them about ourselves?

In the coming weeks I am really going to work hard to change the way I view myself. More importantly though, I am going to work hard to lift other women up! When I hear a woman speak negatively about herself, I am going to stop her and speak something positive over her. We need to be each others cheerleaders! Who else is willing to commit to this with me? Maybe our kindness will become contagious…who knows what we might be able to accomplish!

I think we should to try to look at ourselves through the same lens of kindness we use when we view others. Not just at these special events…but every single day!

The day it all changed…

Image by Kristen Clabaugh Photography

As I was thinking back about this day last year, I decided I wanted to share my birth story. I really never knew how strong I was until that day! It’s amazing what the female body is designed to do and I don't want to forget the details of that amazing day.

I went into early labor on January 9th, at 35 weeks. After 24 hours in the hospital, two steroid shots, multiple bags of fluids and countless trips to the bathroom...the labor finally stopped and I was sent home. Because I was 3 cm dilated and 100% effaced, I was but on on bed rest. We really needed Xander to stay put for at least another week so his lungs would be stronger!

Bedrest was frustrating, but I was happy at the end of each day. Knowing the baby was safe and still growing made it worth it. 

I saw my doctor on Thursday the 25th, and she told me she was going out of town for the weekend. I jokingly told her, that he would most certainly be coming on Saturday. Little did I know that my prediction would come true!

The evening of Friday the 26th, I had been having back pain for a few hours and we decided to go to the hospital just in case. I was monitored for a short time and sent home. They thought it was another false alarm! We left and went to my parents’ house, because it was much closer to the hospital. The next 16 or 17 hours (many of which were spent in the bathtub) I was having contractions, but they were irregular and too far apart. We still didn’t think it was time to go back to the hospital. At about 8:00 that night, something changed! The contractions went from intermittent but pretty manageable, to constant and excruciating! We left right away, we knew a baby would be here soon! 

It was about 9:30 when I was in a hospital room and the nurse checked me. I didn’t believe her when she announced that I was dilated to 7cm! The next few minutes were such a blur, as they prepared me and the operating room for a c section. Because Xander was a large baby, and turned “sunny side up” a c-section had always been my choice for his delivery.

At 10:08, Alexander Edward Nieuwland made his grand entrance! He was 8 pounds 2 ounces and 20 inches long. Those first cries were the most precious sound I had ever heard. Alex brought him over to me and in that moment we were truly a family. Our whole world view shifted in seconds, and the only thing that mattered to us was that sweet, red-faced baby boy. I’ve never known love at first sight until then!

The last year has taken my heart, mind and body on a journey that I could have never imagined! Even though you would gladly do it again, a birth still brings about an overwhelming life change.

I said to Alex once - in a fit of drama and exhaustion - “a new mother dies 100 deaths!” As much as you love it and are so grateful for the change, there is certainly a little bit of grief mixed in. Your body is so different, your daily routine becomes chaos, you can’t go anywhere without packing, estimating food/bottles needed, anticipating if the stroller is necessary, and most of all...where will he nap? Even a quick trip into the grocery store requires more pre-planning than an entire day spent alone! 

But when I look at that precious little boy...there isn’t anything on this Earth that I wouldn’t give up for him. I don't know that I would have ever felt whole without him. He is a catalyst for me. The stone in the stream that the waters of our life now flow around. I see how much he has changed on the outside over the last year and I think I have changed that much on the inside. I’ve never felt more unlike myself...but I’ve also never felt more like myself.  I will forever be grateful to him for that. My tiny love.

Image by Kristen Clabaugh Photography

January 23, 2019

I want to start this post by saying…we are ok! Naturally, we are sad and still a bit in shock. However, we are at peace with this and have great hope for our future! Like the old song goes - The God on the mountain is still God in the valley!

Last Wednesday (1/16) we went in for an ultrasound and realized that there were some growth issues with our baby (you can read all about that here). Our follow-up ultrasound was scheduled for yesterday afternoon. We knew that miscarriage was a possibility, and in some ways Alex and I both had been mentally preparing ourselves for that this past week.

Yesterday, the ultrasound showed us that, while there was a little bit of growth, there was no longer a heartbeat, and the baby had no blood flow.

This was such a sad moment for us, but we are so thankful for our friend and doctor - Dr. Alison Sullivan (if you’re looking for an OB-GYN go see her!). She was wonderful in helping us try to understand a bit about what happened, and also helping us to choose our next steps. Last night, I was admitted to Holston Valley, where I has a fast and painless minor surgery, commonly known as a D&C. Today, I am home taking it easy, but will be back up and moving soon.

Most likely, our baby had a chromosomal abnormality, which is a common cause of early, first trimester miscarriages. There is no reason for us to believe that this is anything other that an isolated event. That is the silver lining in this situation, we can start trying for another child as soon as we are ready!

We are glad that we decided to openly share this pregnancy when we did…and we are grateful to share this part of our journey as well. Statistics show that up to 25% of pregnancies result in miscarriage. If this is something you have experienced, or may experience in the future, you are not alone!

When we decided to announce our pregnancy, we did so knowing that we had a fairly significant chance of losing this child. We felt it was important to tell our news and our truth, regardless of the outcome. If we had not let anyone know about this child (and subsequent miscarriage) the pain would still be here. I actually think it would be more difficult to go through this if we felt it was a secret. Please don’t hesitate to talk to me about this! The last thing I want is for this to be the proverbial “Elephant in the room”. I am an open book, and part of my healing process is talking!

We are thankful for all the prayers, support, inspiring and loving texts, emails and phone calls we have had. Our “village” is strong and wonderful and we love you all. All of your prayers have been appreciated and felt. We humbly ask you to continue to remember us in the coming days as we move forward.

While I was in the hospital preparing myself mentally and emotionally for a medically necessary “abortion”, there were people in New York celebrating the legalization of full-term abortion. So I would also like to ask each of you to pray for our leaders and our Nation.

Oh….and please hug all your babies extra tight today!

Talk about it Tuesday- GUILT!

I was going to write about “Mom guilt”…but then I realized that this is something I’ve been dealing with many years before I became a mother! So lets just say today is about Grown Woman Guilt.

How many things in your life do you feel guilty about? Chances are, if you really counted them you would find that it is more than you even imagined. The way guilt wrecks the female mind is really out of control. I think that when men are sitting around thinking about “nothing” - which my husband tells me is a real thing that your brain can do…pshhhht - women are sitting there thinking of new things to feel guilty about. We don't even realize we’re doing it…which is the worst part!

Anyone who knows me, probably knows about my struggles with anxiety. When my grandfather passed away in January of 2006, my little bouts of worry turned into regular panic attacks and night terrors. I could no longer ignore what my body and brain were telling me and I went to see a doctor. I was prescribed Lexapro, and I have taken it daily for the last 12 years (minus that one time where I came off of it for 10 months and wanted to kill people and cry all the time). Medicine is wonderful and a huge help, but it isn’t the easy way out or a quick fix. So my anxiety has forced me to do a lot of soul searching and intentional thinking.

One of the best techniques I use when I’m feeling anxious is to make a quick mental list of the things happening in my world, in an attempt to figure out what is making my nerves frayed. So often my anxiety is a direct result of feelings of guilt. Guilt about something I forgot to do, guilt about something I should have said, guilt about not calling my friends often enough, guilt about not drinking enough water. The list is truly endless…and honestly about 99% of it is idiotic.

LADIES….WHAT MAKES US DO THIS TO OURSELVES?!?

What drives our guilt? Family, friends, religion, society, our wounds, our past, what we hope for our future. All of these are reasons. However, not all of these are valid reasons.

• Do you feel guilty because your mother-in-law/pediatrician/stranger on the street thinks you should breast feed your child for a year and you don't want to? Not their body, not their choice, NOT VALID GUILT!

• Do you feel guilty because you spent too much money on the handbag you've been wanting, even though you have been saving for it? Sister, you deserve nice things, especially when you work for them. NOT VALID GUILT!

• Do you feel like a bad mom because you took the baby to day care on your day off so you could get your hair done? You deserve some time for yourself! NOT VALID GUILT!

I’m not saying you should never feel guilty. We are all human and we make mistakes. Guilt serves to help us identify and correct negative behavior. What I am saying is, face your guilt head-on! Take a moment and ask yourself where your guilt is coming from. Then consider whether or not that is a valid reason. Don't let it overwhelm you to a point where you aren't living a joyful life!

This week, I encourage each of you to analyze your guilt, and try to mentally dismiss the feelings that aren't valid! When you do come across some valid guilt (we all have it!), try to make amends or a plan so you can avoid adding to it as you move forward!

We're pregnant!

We’re pregnant! Announcing the news of our second child was something I imagined doing in some really cute way, with Xander in a “big brother” outfit, or holding the ultrasound, or some other sweetness like that. However, I share this news in a different light. I have to admit that I’m posting this with excitement, worry, fear and hopefulness…but most of all because I want to ask all of you to please pray for us and our baby.

This pregnancy has been different from Xander’s in almost EVERY way. With him, we got pregnant the first full month after I stopped taking birth control. This pregnancy took months of trying and I had to start taking metformin to control my PCOS. With Xander, I was exhausted from the beginning and started feeling nauseous in the 5th week. This pregnancy I have felt very little change at all…at times I have even forgotten that I am pregnant!

Which is where this journey starts.

According to my last missed cycle, I should be about 10 weeks along. In what I thought was my 6th week, I began to get worried about my good energy level and the noticeably absent nausea. I text my sweet, amazing friend….who also happens to be my OB-GYN. She had me come in for lab work to check my hCG levels. We repeated the bloodwork two days later for comparison. That afternoon she called to tell me that my levels hadn't risen the way they are expected to and that she wanted to do an early ultrasound the following week.

The first ultrasound revealed that I was 5 weeks and 3 days…which was not as far along as we thought, so that sort of explained the lower hormone levels. We waited and rechecked about a week later. The second ultrasound, we did hear a slow but steady heartbeat. As to be expected in the 6th week. Today was our third ultrasound. While we do have a heartbeat that is increasing, the baby is still growing slowly and the gestational sac is growing even more slowly. The baby measured at 7 weeks and one day, but the sac is at 5 just over 5 weeks.

We go back for our fourth ultrasound next Wednesday at 2:30.

I’m not sure what will happen, and neither is my doctor. Everything could catch up and be completely fine, or this could result in a miscarriage. Either way, I just ask you to pray for God’s will.

While I was driving home this morning, I had a second of relief when I thought about turning this over to God and truly laying my worries down. In the next second that felt really irresponsible. That's when I recognized my personal struggle in all of this. As a mother it feels irresponsible to turn over my worries for my child…but as a believer, that's what I am called to do. Today, I’m working on being a Child of God first and a Mother second. I’m choosing what feels irresponsible to my flesh, to be obedient to my spirit. I’m placing my second child in God’s hands. The very hands that created this baby and know its purpose in this world. Because when I look at it from that perspective, its abundantly clear that that is the most responsible thing I can do as a mother.

While we want a second child so badly, we know that God is sovereign and His plans are far greater than our own. We cannot bring ourselves to pray to get to keep a baby that isn't meant to be here. I am hoping that next week everything will be great and totally “normal” on the ultrasound, but I know that there are many possible outcomes. I hope you will join us in praying for peace while we wait and that God will move as He sees fit.

Talk about it Tuesday- DIRTY HAIR! (Yes, its a good thing!)

Every Tuesday, I’m going to pick a topic to really “dive into”. Something that we’ve all always wondered about, but maybe have been too shy or embarrassed to ask about! Sometimes, I may research on my own, sometimes I will interview a professional. However it needs to be done, I will find answers to our questions!

If you have a topic or question that you want me to feature on “Talk about it Tuesday”, you can reach out on social media or email me at lindsey@thewildernieuwland.com. I will keep your topic anonymous, pass zero judgement, and there are NEVER any stupid questions

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Today, I’m going to be talking about the wonderful world of DIRTY HAIR! Yes, I said wonderful! Hopefully, I’m about to change your life and give you back some extra time…which is something we’re all looking for!

As a stylist, over washing is the number one thing I see that causes unnecessary damage and color fade on clients hair! I am always preaching to my clients to stop wasing everyday! Even going to an every-other-day schedule can make a huge difference in hair health.

Let me tell you a secret. I only wash my hair once a week. Yep. Every seven days. You might think that's gross, but I think it’s a key to living your best life! My hair is healthier and I get to sleep later. Um… win-win!

There are a few tricks that I want to share with you to help stretch your washes…yes, even you…woman who looks like she slept with her head in a deep fryer!

First, its important to understand that your scalp is “trainable”. Often, people have to wash their hair everyday because they wash their hair everyday. It’s a vicious cycle, but you can break it! Shampoos can really strip your scalp of ALL oil…even the good and healthy kind. When you shampoo and remove those oils daily, your scalp starts to freak out and over produce oil…thus creating the need to wash again the following day. I didn't just wake up one day and decide to not wash my hair for a week. I started doing every other day, then as my scalp adjusted I would try to go an extra day. Before long, it was out to a week and honestly, my hair started growing like crazy!

Here are the ways that I recommend (and use personally) to get your washes to last and keep your hair looking good!

1.) Use good shampoo and conditioner!

• Sulfate and paraben free are a great place to start. These ingredients are unnecessarily harsh on hair and increase overproduction of oil.

• Avoid shampoo/conditioner that is marketed as hydrating or “for dry, brittle hair”. Our purpose is to eliminate excess oil and moisture, so these types of products aren't what we want! I think these products also have a tendency to sort of melt on your hair after a day or two…which can make your hair look oily even when its not. I always use volumizing shampoo/conditioner, which is typically lighter and keeps your hair from being limp or weighed down.

• If you really feel your hair needs extra moisture, use a volumizing shampoo and the moisturizing conditioner.

2.) Wash and condition properly!

• Sometimes you have to wash twice. Especially when you’re getting good at going several days without washing. If your shampoo doesn’t lather up well, then rinse and scrub again.

• Really take your time! Scrub your scalp really well, because shampoo alone doesn't clean your hair! It also takes the physical manipulation to break down the oil and product. Rinse, rinse, then rinse again - it’s important to make sure you really get all the shampoo out, you want your hair to be good and squeaky clean.

• Don't put conditioner near your roots! Again, we’re trying to get clean, lightweight hair so putting that thick, goopy conditioner near the scalp is not going to help! Besides, there is nothing that is as good for your hair as what your scalp produces to nourish it. Mid-length to ends it all you need!

3.) Style it to last!

• Put as little product on your roots as possible. I always use a volumizing spray mousse and I try not to go too crazy with the amount. On the mid-length to ends, you can pretty much use whatever you need to!

• Blow dry for high volume! Directing your hair away from your scalp can be the difference of going 2 days between washes and making it 5. When I don't want to take the time to use a round brush, I rough dry until it’s about 80% dry and then I put a few Velcro rollers in at the top!

• When my hair is totally dry, I do a little bit of backcombing in the areas that tend to fall flat and get oily fastest. For me, this is at the crown. I think my hair would continue to part all the way down the back of my head…especially when its dirty…so this is a preventive move to keep that from happening.

4.) Maintainence

• Dry Shampoo is your new best friend! The important thing here is finding the one that works best for you! My go-to is the Batiste for brunettes, because I can use as much as I want and my hair doesn't look chalky. Good news, most drugstore brands now offer a dry shampoo, so you won’t break the bank while you’re looking for your fav. *Pro tip- spray your dry shampoo in at night and let it work while you sleep!*

• Sleep with your hair up, if its long enough. I have been a big fan of the “Pineapple” for years. I love using a worn out hair tie, or the ties that look like old phone cords…that way I have very minimal creasing in my hair in the morning. If I do have a bit of a crease, I either wait about 10-15 minutes for it to fall out a bit, or I flip my head upside down and hit the roots of my hair with a hot blow-dryer for a few seconds. It’s amazing how that little blast of heat can really revive your style!

• For those of you that exercise and sweat…dry your sweat into your hair. Sounds really weird and counter-productive…but what do you think sea salt spray is? It’s essentially sweat in a bottle.

• When all else fails, try a half-up style, a messy bun or a hat! There are so many ways to style your hair around washing it…you've just got to be willing to try!

Comment below if you’re going to be trying some of these tips!

*All photos today were courtesy of my beautiful friend Jami at Magnolia Lane Phoography…I apologize that I obviously can’t smile while doing my hair!

A conversation with myself

If I could give advice to my younger self, here’s what I would tell her:

1) Your husband is worth the wait! Not only does he show up, but he’s got a PhD and 6-pack abs. He is seriously a genius, but his greatest trait is his sweet and tender heart. He thinks you hung the moon, and anticipates your every need. He even does all the cooking and helps with laundry. Seriously, quit whining about being single.

2) Your baby is the cutest thing ever, and you’ll be so glad you didn’t become a Mom any sooner. Babies aren’t always rainbows and butterflies. Trust me, there will be days that you will feel like you have given up your entire world for that little creature. Because you did, and you would do it again…and again…and again. But while you wait, try to appreciate the simplicity and selfishness you get to have in your life now. It will keep you from resentment in the future.

3) To be a good wife, mother, person in general…you must care for yourself. Being able to recognize and tend to your own needs is a blessing for those around you. While everyone needs a little help, being able to pull yourself out of the “bad-day-blues” alone is a really big deal. Learn what helps you “reset”. (Hint: new lipstick and an ice cream cone works wonders for you)

4) You have time! When God is in the details, time becomes irrelevant!

5) Stop forcing things. Sometimes guys stop texting back for no reason, some weeks your work schedule falls apart, some days you’re just not meant to wear winged eyeliner. Accept that you aren’t in charge. The things that don’t work out well on their own…just aren’t meant to be.

6) 99% of the time, your parents are right. You should listen to them more. Especially when your Dad tries to talk to you about money.

7) Speaking of money, put yourself on a budget and STICK TO IT. It will spare you a lot of anxiety and guilt. This will also keep you from having to tell your hot husband (hot fiancée at the time) that you have about $5 in your savings account and you owe the IRS your soul.

8) You’re not fat.

9) Take inventory of the life you have now and be thankful for it. This is a learned skill, not a natural human instinct. You are blessed beyond belief and God’s grace and generosity will continue to overwhelm you more with each passing day.

10) You are where you are meant to be! This season of life is shaping you into the woman that your future needs! Don’t wish away your days, thinking “I’ll be happy when…” BE HAPPY NOW!

Get busy building your ark!

*Disclaimer- I am not an educated theologian by any stretch of the imagination. I’m just a regular girl that reads her bible and sometimes notices weird things. With that being said…Pastors, feel free to use this, but I’m expecting a shout-out from the pulpit. ;)

A few years ago, I was in the midst of a season of waiting. I hadn't been in a relationship in several years, and I felt God was really preparing me for my future husband. Even though I was trying my best to trust God’s timing, I’ll be honest…I WAS TERRRIBLE AT WAITING! I swear, for a while I think I had blocked every happy person on Facebook and I really did a lot of wrestling with jealousy and feelings of inadequacy because I was still single. There were lots of tears, meltdowns, ice cream, whining to my momma and maybe even some yelling at my bedroom ceiling, asking God if he had forgotten about me. It wasn't my finest "phase”

Having grown up as a good southern Baptist, I had read about Noah and his big boat all my life. I’ve sang the songs, I’ve heard all about the rainbow, in 2nd grade I even went as one of a pair of rabbits to my Christian schools “Harvest Celebration” (You had to dress up as a bible character…did I mention we were VERY southern Baptist?!") Not long after the movie Noah came out, I got curious and one evening as I was sitting on the back deck of my little single-gal condo, reading my bible, when I flipped over to Genesis to do some research and see what creative liberties Hollywood had taken in the movie that weren’t in the bible. This was the first time in years that I had actually read that story in it’s entirety, from Genesis 6 (when I learned that giants were real and the world started to get bad) to Genesis 9 (before I lost interest and got distracted because of all the names I can’t read).

I’m just reading along and I find myself thinking a few different things…

1) Noah must have seemed SUUUUUPER NUTSO. Especially because some people suspect it had never even rained before the great flood.

2)Why don't we have gopherwood anymore? I bet it would make some sturdy dining tables.

3) I love my family, but a cruise with just them and a bunch of wild animals sounds downright terrible.

4) Noah must have been majorly stressin’ about collecting up all them animals. Some of every kind? Even birds? Sounds like a lot of work…especially if you don't know any giants that would be willing to help you.

Thankfully I got more hung up on the collecting animals thought than any of the others. I started to look more specifically at what God had told Noah.

I always thought that it was a pair of each animal, but in Genesis 7:3, God tells Noah that is only for the animals that are unclean. For the clean animals, he was told to bring SEVEN PAIRS! As if rounding up two Gazelle wasn't going to be hard enough…HE HAD TO WRANGLE UP FOURTEEN!! Just forget it.

Then it struck me. The bible left out the part about Noah wringing his hands and calling his momma (which is precisely what I would have done). I think that was on purpose. Because I don't think it happened. You know why? Because he had other things to do. He had a boat to build. He had food to gather. He had gopherwood to find. He couldn't waste his time worrying about something that God had already promised him would happen!

Then it hit me. I was convicted. I saw my life and faith in comparison to Noah’s. In that moment, I realized I was focusing all my energy on my worry about if a husband and babies would happen for me and I wasn't “building my ark” so I would be ready when the time came. I was stressed over a promise that God had made to me when he put those desires in my heart many years before. I wasn't trusting that he was going to make good on his word, and I had tricked myself into thinking that my anxiety and frustration would somehow help the situation. Meanwhile, I was overlooking the extremely blessed life I had already been given!

I won’t pretend that I didn't have more days of worry and doubt after God revealed this to me, because I did. I am only human, after all. But I will say, when I thought about the scene in the Noah movie where all the animals start showing up to the ark…it always quickly reminded me that we serve an AWESOME God that is capable of so much! Why wouldn't he be able to make my dreams come true? It’s nothing for him!

So if you’re waiting for your husband, or you are struggling to have a child, or your wondering why your career seems stagnant... I urge you to try to shift from a place of worry to a place of thanksgiving and “ark building”.

It’s difficult, but sometimes a change of focus will renew your strength!

Welcome!!

A blog. This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time now. I’m not sure if anyone will read these posts…much less enjoy them…but I feel like I always have something to say! Maybe this will give my poor husband a break from having to listen to me!

I love reading blogs! They are such a good source of information about trending fashion, new makeup tips and they were a HUGE help while we were picking out the things we wanted to buy in anticipation of Xander’s arrival.

While I love perusing blogs and Instagram feeds (and can do it for hours) reading them can sometimes be a bit depressing. They have a tendency to make me feel like I should be doing more. Working out more…or at all; living in a cleaner, more perfectly decorated house; breastfeeding X until kindergarten; doing at least one craft project per day and making locally-sourced homemade dog food. Oh…let’s not forget… all of this is supposed to be done in a full-face of makeup and a perfect outfit while the sounds of calming music and the aroma of essential oils fill my home.

Yeah right. Not happening.

At the current moment, it’s 3:52 PM. So far today my largest accomplishments are writing the few words above, getting Xander to take a full bottle in a timely manner and clipping 6 of his 10 fingernails.

That’s my reality.

Without filters.

Without staging.

Without pies and undereye concealer that are both baked to perfection.   

I’m a real woman with real struggles. I have insecurities and know I’m not alone in that! I want this blog to be a place where women can come and find posts that they identify with. I want to share the beautiful side of life, but also the ugly, chaotic and messy side that often gets ‘edited’ away.

When I really started to think about the content of this blog, I couldn’t narrow down a particular thing I wanted to focus on. I love so much! First and foremost, I love the Lord and I am so thankful for the blessings he has given me and the lessons I am continually learning as I try to rely on Him more each day. I’ve screwed up enough in my life to offer a little advice, or at least a story or two about what not to do. I enjoy beauty and bargain shopping and I’m loving learning how to get through my new gig as a first time Mom! When it comes to adventures and new projects, I am willing to try just about anything…as long as Jesus would approve and I can find a YouTube tutorial

So, honestly, even I don’t know what you’ll be reading here. But I can promise you one thing…it will all be genuine.

In a world where so much false positive is praised, and so much gritty reality is glossed over…I hope to be a breath of fresh air!

And who knows…Emma might like locally-sourced homemade dog food…maybe one day we’ll try it!